Sunday, February 27, 2011

Angry Bieber Hoochies

I have several little topics I want to make fun of, but first and foremost I need to address something that has seemingly taken over all of America.

If you have a smartphone, you undoubtedly have an unbreakable addiction. You probably already know what I'm talking about.

That's right. Angry Birds.

I stayed away from it for a while. I tend to rebel when something gets uber popular, but I was really bored, and gave in to temptation. Cursed temptation.

What I want to know is why are the birds so angry? what did those little freaky mutant pigs do to provoke such wrath??  and why is crushing said pigs so dang addicting?

Also, what warped mind created such a thing?

This is how serious it is. I played Angry Birds a full hour into my nap time today. My Sunday nap is very important to me. You don't even realize.

Okay, next. Hoochie-mama church go-ers.

So, Kayla and I are in a shopping center parking lot this afternoon, and we spot a girl in a teeny little dress. And by teeny I mean too teeny for church, where she obviously had just come from.

When did it become acceptable to double club wear for church wear? Am I just old school? I mean.. Jesus can see you honey. Cover up.

Hold on. I'm checking off my "Topics To Make Fun Of" list.

Justin Bieber. How could I not include Justin Bieber on this list??

Bless his heart. He's famous for sounding like a girl. A 16 year old heart throb for millions of 12 year old girls. That can't feel too great. Well... the millions of dollars he makes probably feels great. But still. He gets made fun of to no end.

Maybe when he hits puberty, he'll be taken seriously, and even have his own episode of "Cribs". I know  he's already had his own episode of "Glee", but that doesn't really mean anything. That show is only liked by nerdy people.

Because we have brownies calling my name, and I'm too ADD to sit here any longer, that's as far as I'm gonna get into my list tonight. But don't worry. I'll finish it... eventually.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

I'm baaaaack

Do I have a tale for you. I bet you've wondered where I've been. Well, I'll tell you. You better sit down.

Today has been exactly one month since my last post. I don't know if anyone has noticed that.. I mean, if you're a loyal follower you would have. Just sayin'.
Okay, so here it is. I was kidnapped. KID-NAPPED. Yanked from the sidewalk, thrown into a white windowless van ( I knew people who drove those were bad news) and taken to a dark, cold basement where I was kept for 29 days. I know, I know. You're in shock. I don't blame you.

So, my kidnapper, a big ol' brute, is also a serial murderer. Could my luck get any worse?? I mean?
He has little trophies and stuff.
This is where it gets interesting. I was able to navigate his psychopathic mind with my knowledge from all my books, episodes of The Closer, CSI, and other various shows of that nature.


Okay... I've actually been at a tax office for 3 weeks, making lots of money. I just wasn't inspired to blog. My first story was way more interesting. I was tempted to go into detail and make it really believable, but my family would most likely be disturbed. Gotta keep it family friendly.

I did, however, have some interesting moments at the tax office. From this guy insisting I "ride wit'em" to the rodeo to a woman telling her husband not to discuss their income in front of me because she wasn't reporting it, and I worked for the government. That's right lady. Special Agent Moxie, here. I'll take you down.

I also learned how to make the best coffee ever, the difference between a W2 and a W2G, memorized the unemployment code, and saw a 2 year old fake shoot his mom in the head with a Pez dispensor for yelling at him.

Hmm.. what else...

Oh. I realized how very grateful I am for my ring to have on my left finger, because as soon as I don't wear it some creeper decides to hit on me. *gag*. Stop it.

Sooo tomorrow is Valentines Day. I like Valentines day. Mostly because I love pink and red, hearts and flowers and sparkly stuff. It's pretty. I do not, however, like how commercialized its become. I wonder how many boyfriends/husbands will head straight to the candy aisle, grab a heart-shaped box, find a girly looking balloon, and mushy card and, if he finds some cheap ones, a few roses without a second thought as to what she might actually like. Probably the majority.

Hint: think outside the box, guys. Lets not be cliche.
I don'y have a guy to worry about this year, so I'm speaking for those who do and are destined to receive el cheapo candy tomorrow. I feel for you. Not that anything is wrong with el cheapo stuff. IF its what you want. I mean, I'd rather have something created and not bought. But that's just me.

*Sigh* I feel better. I had lots of words pent up in my head that needed to be let out. I hope everyone had a good weekend, and Happy Valentines Day!!!