Sunday, February 27, 2011

Angry Bieber Hoochies

I have several little topics I want to make fun of, but first and foremost I need to address something that has seemingly taken over all of America.

If you have a smartphone, you undoubtedly have an unbreakable addiction. You probably already know what I'm talking about.

That's right. Angry Birds.

I stayed away from it for a while. I tend to rebel when something gets uber popular, but I was really bored, and gave in to temptation. Cursed temptation.

What I want to know is why are the birds so angry? what did those little freaky mutant pigs do to provoke such wrath??  and why is crushing said pigs so dang addicting?

Also, what warped mind created such a thing?

This is how serious it is. I played Angry Birds a full hour into my nap time today. My Sunday nap is very important to me. You don't even realize.

Okay, next. Hoochie-mama church go-ers.

So, Kayla and I are in a shopping center parking lot this afternoon, and we spot a girl in a teeny little dress. And by teeny I mean too teeny for church, where she obviously had just come from.

When did it become acceptable to double club wear for church wear? Am I just old school? I mean.. Jesus can see you honey. Cover up.

Hold on. I'm checking off my "Topics To Make Fun Of" list.

Justin Bieber. How could I not include Justin Bieber on this list??

Bless his heart. He's famous for sounding like a girl. A 16 year old heart throb for millions of 12 year old girls. That can't feel too great. Well... the millions of dollars he makes probably feels great. But still. He gets made fun of to no end.

Maybe when he hits puberty, he'll be taken seriously, and even have his own episode of "Cribs". I know  he's already had his own episode of "Glee", but that doesn't really mean anything. That show is only liked by nerdy people.

Because we have brownies calling my name, and I'm too ADD to sit here any longer, that's as far as I'm gonna get into my list tonight. But don't worry. I'll finish it... eventually.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

I'm baaaaack

Do I have a tale for you. I bet you've wondered where I've been. Well, I'll tell you. You better sit down.

Today has been exactly one month since my last post. I don't know if anyone has noticed that.. I mean, if you're a loyal follower you would have. Just sayin'.
Okay, so here it is. I was kidnapped. KID-NAPPED. Yanked from the sidewalk, thrown into a white windowless van ( I knew people who drove those were bad news) and taken to a dark, cold basement where I was kept for 29 days. I know, I know. You're in shock. I don't blame you.

So, my kidnapper, a big ol' brute, is also a serial murderer. Could my luck get any worse?? I mean?
He has little trophies and stuff.
This is where it gets interesting. I was able to navigate his psychopathic mind with my knowledge from all my books, episodes of The Closer, CSI, and other various shows of that nature.


Okay... I've actually been at a tax office for 3 weeks, making lots of money. I just wasn't inspired to blog. My first story was way more interesting. I was tempted to go into detail and make it really believable, but my family would most likely be disturbed. Gotta keep it family friendly.

I did, however, have some interesting moments at the tax office. From this guy insisting I "ride wit'em" to the rodeo to a woman telling her husband not to discuss their income in front of me because she wasn't reporting it, and I worked for the government. That's right lady. Special Agent Moxie, here. I'll take you down.

I also learned how to make the best coffee ever, the difference between a W2 and a W2G, memorized the unemployment code, and saw a 2 year old fake shoot his mom in the head with a Pez dispensor for yelling at him.

Hmm.. what else...

Oh. I realized how very grateful I am for my ring to have on my left finger, because as soon as I don't wear it some creeper decides to hit on me. *gag*. Stop it.

Sooo tomorrow is Valentines Day. I like Valentines day. Mostly because I love pink and red, hearts and flowers and sparkly stuff. It's pretty. I do not, however, like how commercialized its become. I wonder how many boyfriends/husbands will head straight to the candy aisle, grab a heart-shaped box, find a girly looking balloon, and mushy card and, if he finds some cheap ones, a few roses without a second thought as to what she might actually like. Probably the majority.

Hint: think outside the box, guys. Lets not be cliche.
I don'y have a guy to worry about this year, so I'm speaking for those who do and are destined to receive el cheapo candy tomorrow. I feel for you. Not that anything is wrong with el cheapo stuff. IF its what you want. I mean, I'd rather have something created and not bought. But that's just me.

*Sigh* I feel better. I had lots of words pent up in my head that needed to be let out. I hope everyone had a good weekend, and Happy Valentines Day!!!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

This is me procrastinating

I have a problem. This problem causes me to forever have at least one load of laundry to be done, my bedroom trash to be emptied, my car vacuumed, my "need-to-iron" pile to stay exactly the same size, my stairs swept... *groan*... I know you know what I'm talking about.


If procrastination were a guy, he would beg to marry me. Because I am oh so fond of him. I mean, unless there is a pressing reason to complete a task, my brain doesn't understand why I should go ahead and do it anyway. I obviously have issues with this, or I wouldn't be blogging about it.

There are about 38 other things I should be doing right now instead of sitting at the computer, but of course I opt to sit here because it's clearly easier, and more entertaining than folding my clean laundry that I washed 4 days ago. 4 days ago. Is there rehab for chronic procrastinators??? I think I'm making myself crazy with always having little tasks to complete that would only take a few minutes individually but I let them pile up until I have a list that takes 2 days to accomplish.

Maybe I'll just continue on with my bad habit, and blame it on my dad. I definitely inherited it from him. My mom has to get things taken care of immediately. So fast in fact, that sometimes I get really annoyed because I don't see why she's rushing around, getting all stressed and frazzled. But then, she isn't the one that has a 2 day long list to complete now is she?

*Sigh* I obviously know the one and only solution to my problem is. Question is, will I actually do it? Ehh...

I can't wait until I get a steady job. I am so going to pay my sister to do my laundry. ( No, Bethany and Kayla, I do not know which sister, so don't ask me about it yet)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Diets and Dye

Day 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Almost there... I can do it. I really can tell a difference in how I feel, and my energy level. I highly recommend trying this diet out if you just feel bogged down. Not to brag or anything, but I've lost a total of 6lbs. In 10 days!

Okay, on to other things. So, Kayla has senior pictures coming up in a few weeks, and like millions of other girls before her, she thought putting Sun-In in her hair this past summer was a good idea.

Bless her heart.

So we decided we'd dye her hair. By we I mean me. After all, I am going to go to cosmetology school I, need to start somewhere. And I will not allow my sister to have roots in her senior pictures. No ma'am.

Since I have a blog I think I have to take pictures of everything. Visuals are very helpful when reading about things you know.

So here is her before:

The dark at her roots isn't just the lighting. Nevertheless, she's still so very pretty.

I was very careful while dyeing her hair. We covered everything in plastic, and put Vaseline around her hairline.

I love Kayla's face in this picture. I'm not sure if that was on purpose, or if she was genuinely worried...

After 20 minutes of impatience, and another 20 blow drying (she has WAY more hair than she appears to have) Voila!
                                                                     Not bad eh?

As you could tell from the above pictures, my hair is also dark. It's darker than Kayla's. I'm pretty sure my dad hates us for dyeing our hair. He is definitely not a fan of his girls going brunette.

I really need to get off of here... I have work today. *happy dance* Money!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Alls well that ends well

Yesterday was... irritating. Not only was it *so* gloomy outside, but my car broke down, and I cut my foot.

I mean?!?!

I'll tell the car story first. I haven't been having any trouble out of Ole' Maria ( I named her that because she is mexican red) and really haven't had much trouble from her the entire time I've had her. But yesterday it was like she died. She did... she could not be resuscitated. She had been fine all day. I had made several stops before this particular one, with no sign of sudden death. I guess she knew when my last errand was, because when I tried to start her all I got was a freaky scraping sound, and whirring (word? it is now). Thankfully I wasn't too far from home, and was able to call for a ride home.

My dad is my mechanic/carpenter/plumber/electrician. He's magic. He had Maria loaded onto his trailer and back home in no time. He then crawled under the car ( in the rain, and darkness) and took out her starter. Bingo. A new one will be put in shortly.

Now, I know that didn't seem too horrible, but it was, after all, unnecessary frustration, and I hate unnecessary frustration.

About my foot, apparently I have invisible glass on my floor because I have no clue what it was that sliced the side of my foot. I was pretty sure a nail of gigantic proportion had been jammed in to my foot, but when I looked, nothing. Just a fairly deep, small cut and trickling blood. I couldn't finish cleaning or I'd get blood everywhere. Bummer.

Day four of the Daniel Diet. I had a good breakfast, and don't feel that twinge of a headache from lack of caffeine. Did I go bike riding yesterday? Nope. Do I plan on going today? Negative. I'm more of a jogging/pilates/yoga type girl. I should probably do those...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Coke free is the way to be

It's day 2 of the water and veggie fast/diet/cleanse. I can't decide what to call it. It's going well so far, I've somehow avoided a headache today. For that, I am grateful. Last night I was pretty sure my head was going to explode... but I stayed strong! no Coke for me. I keep smelling it though. I'll just have random moments where I think "is that Coke I smell??"

I was totally rethinking the whole thing after consuming two whole cucumbers, and feeling like I'd eaten nothing, when my mom pointed out tomato soup is on the menu. I. Love. Tomato. Soup. I literally did a little dance. I drink it out of a coffee mug.

Speaking of my mom, she is being way awesome with the assisting me thing. She had me make a list of vegetables I like, and even found all natural, completely vegetarian soups. How excited was I when she came home from the grocery store? Way excited.

I just smelled Coke again...

So, my dad just got a bike, which means I get to ride it whenever I want. Kayla and I went for a ride today because the weather was so perfect for a bike ride. Right? not too cold, not too hot. Perfect. About four minutes into our ride I found myself uttering the words "my legs hurt". When did I get so old??? 
My goal is to ride every day until the fast/diet/cleanse is over. We'll see if that actually happens.

You probably noticed my new background. Well, I'm not happy with it. You will probably see it change half a gazillion more times before I find that one that says "Amber!" I'm really picky about these things.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The time has come, the walrus said...


It's the new year. Which means I feel obligated to make goals I've no intention of keeping. But I've found if I make a list of goals, I do keep a few, and therefore accomplish more than if I had made no list at all. I like to call this the "glass half full" mentality.

Because I am slightly self-centered, my most important goals revolve around my appearance.
1) Maintain healthy eating habits.
 My problem isn't not wanting healthy food. It's being too lazy to make sure I always have a healthy alternative, especially on busy days.
My motivation for changing my eating habits? A longer life? More energy? Less risk of developing Diabetes?


 My main motivation is to be able to put on my jeans, and have my hips not look so muffin-toppy.
I don't know if you're aware, but it's really hard to suck in your stomach, and stand up really straight all day long.

2) Grow hair as long as possible.
Now, I now this may not seem goal worthy to some, but I can't focus... I'm liable to walk through Target, see a girl with a really snazzy short cut, and make an appointment to cut mine off. You think I'm joking? I'm totally serious.

This is about as far as I've got into making my goal list... other than saving money. But I need a job with steady hours first.

Oh! I got distracted and almost forgot my main reason for blogging tonight. I've decided to try the "Daniel Diet". Ten days of nothing but vegetables, and water. Water as in no Coke.


I'm probably gonna be a little on edge the first... ten days. It's mainly to give my poor body a break from all the carbs, sugar and salt consumed throughout the holidays.

I'll keep you updated.